Growth Mindsets and Why Failure Is A Positive Thing

Thomas Edison is quoted as saying,

I have not failed. I have just found 10,000 ways that do not work.

It’s a well-known quote, but think about it. How much optimism would Edison have had, to continue trying even on failure number 9,999?Today, he’s a household name, but it took more than natural talent to get him there.

Edison’s quote came to mind because I’ve been reflecting on a year where some relationships, projects and jobs have gone belly-up. Failure is tough, but it made me wonder whether I think about it in the right way.

In our culture, failure is a big red flag, telling us, “Get back in your lane. This isn’t for you.” As children, we learn to attach all kinds of negative emotions to failing. We laugh at “fail” memes, assuming that person is stupid or needs to give up.

By the time we’re adults, failure in anything – from relationships to careers or other personal goals – is a big, fat deterrent.

Yet, the more I exist in the world, the more I see of stories like Edison’s. People who only got what they had because of effort and optimism. People whose careers grew, marriages lasted, and passions were pursued because they saw challenge in a brighter light. It was part of the journey, not a stop sign.

If it’s one thing I’m learning, it’s that success isn’t usually a breeze. Most of the time, it’s born out of effort, trial and error. Yet sometimes, we treat failure like it’s a fundamental reflection on who we are.

Are we sabotaging our chances of change?

Two types of mindset

This brings me to the work of psychologist Carol Dweck. Over two decades, she investigated how school children respond to failure or challenges in the classroom. Her findings suggest that there are two common mindsets.

The first is a fixed mindset. This is where we believe that our character, abilities and intelligence can’t be changed in any meaningful way. (Who I am is who I am.)

When challenges hit, a person with a fixed mindset is more likely to view failure with anxiety and dread. Failure, after all, is a dead end.

The other mindset Dweck identified is a growth mindset. This person sees their abilities and intelligence as a starting point, and that it’s possible to improve and develop these through hard-earned effort.

People with growth mindsets see failure as data. In other words, setbacks mean you’re learning, and you can get better because of it. (Who I am is not all I can be.)

As Dweck writes,

The growth mindset is based on the belief that your basic qualities are things you can cultivate through your efforts. Although people may differ in every which way — in their initial talents and aptitudes, interests, or temperaments — everyone can change and grow through application and experience.

But Dweck’s work doesn’t just apply to children struggling with their lessons. It turns out that these mindsets follow us into adulthood and shape the way you think and grow.

We’re all in a constant state of growth

Just because you’re out of school doesn’t mean you’ve stopped learning.

If you’re like me, you’ve probably heard people make sweeping statements like these (and maybe you’ve made them yourself):

• I’m not creative.
• I’m an introvert, so I’ll never like parties.
• She’s always late.
• This is who I am, and I can’t change that.
• I just can’t be a morning person.

These statements put us in a box. Maybe you’re not a Rembrandt, but who’s to say you can’t be creative? If you want to be a tidier person, it’s achievable if you try. And if there’s an aspect of your personality that’s not serving you, why can’t you learn how to adapt it?

It would have been a mistake to tell eight-year-old me, “You seem to be stumbling over this a lot. I guess Maths just isn’t for you”. It’s the same principle with adults. But by assuming change is never possible, we put ourselves in a box.

We have much to learn

What’s funny is that we often take on fixed mindsets about things that we assume are inborn, but are actually learnable skills.

For example – most adults are never given formal education on how to navigate complex relationships. Parents, role models and friends might have taught you what they knew, but many of us miss out of key parts of what we need to function to our best potential.

Yet we get to adulthood and we think that we are static individuals who can’t change. We see conflict as a sign that things are wrong, when in fact it can be a normal part of growing with another human. Maybe this is why many long-term relationships work because the two people worked out how to “grow together”.

It’s the same with intelligence, where Dweck also says that a growth mindset can serve you well. Many of us think our intelligence is inborn and static, but is it? What would happen if we applied ourselves to study? Your mind is a muscle – can you exercise it in a new way?

Often, our assumptions that we are one thing and not the other are just a self-fulfilling prophecy.

Cultivating change

Orson Welles said once,

If you want a happy ending, that depends, of course, on where you stop your story.

As adults, many of us fear failure and challenge. But it’s made me wonder, what would happen if the story I’m telling myself doesn’t end with failure? Maybe this is just another twist in the road to another destination.

It’s a more optimistic view, but the growth mindset view doesn’t just make you feel good. It can be instrumental to achieving what you wanted all along – and gives you the resilience to keep at it. Even just reframing how you speak about yourself can make a difference.

As Carol Dweck says,

[T]he view you adopt for yourself profoundly affects the way you lead your life. It can determine whether you become the person you want to be and whether you accomplish the things you value.

Maybe you don’t reach every goal you make, like becoming a Beethoven because you practised piano. But you can become better than you were.

And who can ask for more than that?