“The Church Doesn’t Get Men”. “Why Men Hate Going to Church”. “The Real Reason Men Are Leaving the Church”.
Over the past year, I’ve been reading study after study that confirms what you may have suspected: There are fewer men than women in church.
In fact, there’s a noticeable skew toward females in almost all Christian denominations in western countries – and the gender gap is consistent whatever their theology or who’s leading. According to Pew, there are no countries where men are more likely to attend than women.
But while numbers of men in church are dwindling, we’re seeing men flock to other public figures and movements. This could be the likes of psychologists like Jordan Peterson, or celebrity pastors like Mark Driscoll. It’s not that men aren’t looking for answers – but the answers seem to come from elsewhere.
At the very least, many men have relied on some offshoot of church – such as the muscular Christianity movement of the 19th century, which resulted in the Boy Scouts and other such bodies – to get some spiritual nourishment, rather than the church itself.
Why is this? I’m not the first to ask. Aaron Renn, of The Masculinist, told Christianity Today:
“What is it that all of these people are reaching men with essentially a secular self-help message and the [church’s message] isn’t working? … When I became a Christian I maybe naively took everything in. I felt like the teachings that I was getting about how to be a man and how to interact with women and things of that nature frankly were just not working.”
At the same time, I’ve noticed more and more men who’ve seemed uncomfortable in worship, detached in their faith walk, and looking for connections that aren’t being met with fellow Christians.
Christianity is pegged as a patriarchal, male-led institution.
But it seems as though we’re in a time where – increasingly – men and the church are at odds.
I’m not the only one to notice this – and once I started digging, I found a heap of potential answers to why this is happening. But some are more compelling than others.
Some people have made theories that women are innately more religious than men. But the gap is generally less pronounced in other religions than Christianity – and religions like Islam even skew male.
Another study found that women felt closer to God than men did, but this was less because of gender and more because of socialisation. As one of the researchers put it,
Women are more likely [to be attached to God] because women are socialized in an American context to be more vulnerable with one another, more emotionally available, and more sharing. Men tend to be socialized to be more independent, to not need other people as much.
Others have suggested that men “don’t need” church because they can get their community and sermons elsewhere. But one of the more popular notions is also one that is – to my mind – rather fraught.
The argument? Our churches are simply too darn feminine.
David Murrow, of Church For Men, argues that our churches are full of “Jesus is my boyfriend” style songs, flowers and open signs of emotion. We sing songs with romantic lyrics like “lover of my soul” and “I’m desperate for you”, and our teaching leans on emotion instead of rationality.
Maybe it’s just me, but these give me an uneasy reminder of the brand of hypermasculinity exemplified by figures like Mark Driscoll. It’s a worldview of awkward binaries, where women are “nurturing” and “relational”, while men are “adventurous” and “competitive”.
And why are we shielding men from having an emotional response to Christ, as though it’s too “feminine”?
What it does suggest – to me – is that there needs to be balance.
There are lots of ways churches can – and are – responding to the problem.
Some are making it their mission to make their church more “masculine”. Others are throwing their effort into “steaks and guns” men’s ministries.
But to me, this seems – at best – like window dressing. At worst, they’re insulting clichés. These things may get men through the door, but what is keeping them there?
For my money, there could be something learned from research that looks at what angles of the Christian message men (on average) find most compelling. These include:
- Challenge – showing faith as a tough battle, not “feel-good” Christianity
- Practical applications
- Rationality and logic, rather than just emotion
But to be frank, these are angles that women could appreciate too.
There isn’t a simple answer to this issue. But the heart of the matter, to me, is two things:
First, men will stay in Christian communities if they are getting the depth they need.
I know too many men who are crying out to be mentored, to be understood and to hear messages that are relevant to them. Many want to be healed.
However, they are struggling to find these things. That, to me, is the fundamental issue – and while “manning up” the service may help somewhat, it doesn’t solve those issues.
When it’s such a widespread problem, surely this is something we need to look at.
Second, this is an opportunity for Christians to examine blind spots in our culture.
What particularly challenged me about researching this topic is that the recommendations for so-called “masculine” culture seemed like things we should be doing anyway.
Use of logic and intellect, not just emotion, in sermons? Check.
The need to be challenged, to see faith as a struggle? Check.
Learning about God’s majesty and awe, not just his “scandalous love”? Also check.
Whether or not these are particularly “male” traits (I’m not sure they are) is beyond the point. Christian culture could do well to reflect the intellectual and “rational” side of faith, balanced with the emotional. And if we’re not, why not?
If the church is going to keep equipping and spurring men on, we can’t keep assuming they’ll just turn up. Whatever the reason, many men aren’t responding to the church’s message, culture or communication. That matters.
So let’s pray we have wisdom about how to reach the next generation of men – and let’s pray for that generation.
